I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
