i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
