Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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