Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
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