have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
