If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
