Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
