I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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