the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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