She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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