new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
