Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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