He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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