You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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