Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
