First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
