why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
