I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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