Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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