Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
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Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
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If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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