Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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