how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
