do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Randomize
