the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Randomize
