You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
