The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
