Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
