Say something about gay babies.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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