Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize