How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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