I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
i think i scared a bird with my dick
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
My breath smells like gin and sadness
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
