nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
