He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
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