so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
