trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
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