Ambien. No doubt about it.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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