I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
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