It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
