Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
he quoted the bible to break up with me
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
