i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
