Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
