sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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