We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
