Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
