For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Randomize
