ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
