did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
