I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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