WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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