I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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