exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
