party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
