I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
