how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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