return my video game
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I'd cum for enchiladas.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
