you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
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he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
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He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize