South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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