just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
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i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
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I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
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