Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
