can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
