I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Randomize
