My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
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She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
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The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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