It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
