I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
