Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
