I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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