I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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