ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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