can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
