He asked to "fluff my boner.."
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Randomize
